You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
