her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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