I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
