She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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