it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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