She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
