All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
