you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
