my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
