she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
