Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nicole vs. Life
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
