bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
