i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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