I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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