Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
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