operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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