if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
