Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
