i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
