i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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