i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
