I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
