yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
