kristin has been a bad kristin
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
