I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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