I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
