today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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