Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
