Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
