i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.