She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
high people should be assigned attendants
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea