There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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