Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need water and some morals