Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha

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  (206): Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha http://tfl.nu/twp9
  Replies (17) Good night (1624) Bad night (835)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

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  (780): I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked." http://tfl.nu/ikiz
  Replies (37) Good night (4989) Bad night (747)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you want to re-phrase that?

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  (857): I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner (617): you want to re-phrase that? http://tfl.nu/lax1
  Replies (11) Good night (3987) Bad night (1051)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.

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  (412): Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super. http://tfl.nu/bpjq
  Replies (23) Good night (958) Bad night (5317)
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  (916): View more from California

  she's into porn, im staying here tonight

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  (916): she's into porn, im staying here tonight http://tfl.nu/jlgw
  Replies (31) Good night (6855) Bad night (811)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree

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  (617): I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree http://tfl.nu/6ra8
  Replies (23) Good night (6297) Bad night (1209)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.

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  (203): Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one. http://tfl.nu/lrd9
  Replies (6) Good night (3954) Bad night (858)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?

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  (845): I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right? http://tfl.nu/k79j
  Replies (2) Good night (3256) Bad night (1346)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar

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  (516): Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar http://tfl.nu/xg4s
  Replies (6) Good night (3029) Bad night (882)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."

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  (773): I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye." http://tfl.nu/jcze
  Replies (2) Good night (794) Bad night (678)
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  (258): View more from

  I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state

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  (258): I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state http://tfl.nu/9dxv
  Replies (0) Good night (668) Bad night (364)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon

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  (306): just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon http://tfl.nu/m55k
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (342)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?

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  (586): You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them? http://tfl.nu/w767
  Replies (2) Good night (888) Bad night (449)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since

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  (513): Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since http://tfl.nu/1xxk
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (754)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?

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  (443): His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/xejp
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (150)

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