I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo