I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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