She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
