Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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