his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
