while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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