Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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