i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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