Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
