i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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