Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
