i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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