a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
