You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
