haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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