lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
