you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
