Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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