Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
