If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need to align my fucking chakras
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