Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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