He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
