Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
