Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize