doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
