dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize