I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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