I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
