Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
