thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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