The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
