can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sober January is a disaster.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
