So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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