pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
