the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
