We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
