I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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