He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
