peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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