i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found a bag of teeth...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize