so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
