i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
