I just saw a hot homeless man
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
